


The Gilding Process

by jettiebettie



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Angst and Feels, Introspection, M/M, Spardacest (Devil May Cry), Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28678533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jettiebettie/pseuds/jettiebettie
Summary: The boy is filled with hopeful platitudes."I won't let you die, V, so don't get killed and don't give up."V knows better than to let himself hope. But he is, after all, only human. Weak, needy, and prone to making questionable choices that will inevitably hurt them both.
Relationships: Nero/V (Devil May Cry)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	The Gilding Process

"Hey, don't worry. When this is all over, we'll find a way to save you. I promise."

-

The boy is filled with hopeful platitudes.

 _I_ _'ll_ _save you._

 _I_ _promise._

_I won't let you die, V, so don't get killed and don't give up._

He knows better than to let himself bask in their intent. This journey will end one of two ways: he'll either fade into nothingness, or he will become whole again. There is no third option. Death or reconstitution, those are his available paths.

He knows better, but oh, how willing he is to entertain such dreams. The closer he gets to Urizen, the further away from his initial goal he feels. The power he's always wanted, always needed, is right there just a few battles away. If his brother can defeat the demon king after it has eaten the fruit of the Qliphoth, if V can just get to them in time... it'll fill the space of everything he has lacked up until this point. It will give him the strength to-

 _Vergil_. It will give Vergil the strength to fight. To win.

Nothing else will matter after that. Not his current frailty or the hardships it's caused, not the overwhelming crushing pressure of his sins, not the self-loathing he feels every time he cuts down another root of the demonic tree that has gorged itself on the blood of innocents.

Not even Nero. Those sweet, ultimately hollow words that make V's chest ache will lose all meaning in the wake of his rebirth. He will look back on these days with regret, most certainly, perhaps even disgust. Maybe it will keep him up at night, how he let this young man, who must also share the blood of Sparda, have him in ways he hasn't allowed in years. How he gave in to his own weakness and pathetic desires for love and protection, surrendering this ever-atrophying shell to sensation and stimulation. Anything to feel cherished, cared for, and alive. Anything to simply _feel_.

He will come to hate the memory of that pleasure, surely. He'll look back on the moments of mind numbing ecstasy, of blissful minutes free of conscious thought after being well used and put away wet, and wish that he could take it all back. He might recall warm arms and nervous lips and consider bashing his head open upon the rocks.

It would be a fitting punishment for him, all in all. 

However, it would be unfair to Nero, who has done nothing to deserve the revelation of V's existence and what that might do to him.

The higher V finds himself in the branches of the tree, the closer he gets to his missing half, the more he finds himself stumbling. His crumbling body plays a role, yes, but so too does his growing reluctance. This will hurt, one way or another, and he doesn't want to die. It's why he presses forward regardless, but it doesn't stop the voice in the back of his brain that is slowly growing in volume, one that whispers, _"Spare the boy and let yourself vanish. No one will have to know who you are or what you've done. They will at least know peace."_

But he has never not been a selfish man. Human though he may be, incomplete and filled with the capacity for guilt and shame, greed is at his very core. It permeates his entire being, from his jealous heart to his obsessive thoughts. He will carry on and finish what he set out to do from the start. He will _survive_ , even as everything around him tries to strike him down. And he will take these experiences with him, hold them close even if they become a festering wound, because they are his and he'll not merely discard them, no matter how hard Vergil will eventually try.

Even if they must be hidden, tucked away in an unread chapter of his mind, he will make sure they remain in the margins, beautifully trimmed in vibrant inks and priceless gold leaf.

-

"What's happening to you?"

Fingers slowly and lightly drag down the length of V's arm. They trace the swirling patterns of his tattoos and try not to apply too much pressure to the cracks that have begun to form. V watches them in a trance, not yet willing to let go of his post-coitus haze. The hot, solid body against him is too tempting to lean on, almost beckoning him to shut his eyes for a while and rest without worry.

"V?"

But Nero is insistent. 

Tiredly, V raises a hand to look at it.

"A consequence of my... condition," he answers.

"What condition?" Nero asks, taking V's hand gently into his own. His calloused thumb rubs soothing motions into V's palm. V stares silently until Nero threads their fingers together and tries again. "C'mon, stop holding out on me. I don't like being left in the dark."

"It's complicated." It's a terribly unsatisfactory explanation and he knows it. They both do. 

"Does it have to do with why you hired Dante to fight Urizen?"

V grips Nero's hand unconsciously. How annoyingly perceptive the boy can be when he chooses. But how to continue? He can lean on half-truths and pray that it's enough. He can lie. He can refuse to answer all together, tell Nero that it's none of his business how or why he's dying and leave it at that.

"Yes," he says honestly instead. Nero's hold on him tightens. When V finally looks away from their hands, he sees that Nero's face is contorted in a complicated, unhappy expression. It looks suspiciously like guilt.

"Sorry," Nero chokes out after a moment.

"For what?"

"For not being strong enough to kill him."

V can't hide his surprise and Nero turns his head to avoid him, glaring at the middle distance with his jaw hard set. V takes him in, can see the bitterness and frustration in his eyes. Just like V, being reminded of his own weakness is a sore spot, a frayed nerve that overacts to being prodded, even slightly. V knows the feeling all too well and can guess the number self-defeating things Nero must be thinking. It's a sickening pit to fall into, one that can perpetuate hate and anger without ever slowing down if left alone. 

So V pulls him back up as best as he can.

He untangles their hands, leaning forward to coax Nero's lips out of their frown. It takes a moment, but eventually Nero begins to respond to him, his mouth moving with V's languidly. Their pace is slow, but Nero is no less unyielding. His lips slot heavily against V's as his tongue sweetly pushes inside. V moves to straddle Nero's hips more fully, his hands coming up to frame Nero's face and drag his nails down the nape of his neck. Nero caresses his sides and back, his human hand gripping tightly just below V's ribs. Breaking the kiss, Nero presses his face into V's neck.

"We won't lose again," he says, his breathing shaky. "I'm not letting you die."

V shuts his eyes tightly and tries not to break down. 

"Killing Urizen won't... I won't be..." No matter how hard he attempts it, he can't get the words out. He switches tactics. "It would be better for you to forget me."

"How can you say that?" Nero asks, a hurt in his voice that cuts V in a way it shouldn't.

"It's the truth. You think there is some cure to be found for this body, but there isn't. I'll see Urizen defeated, but I-" V gestures to himself, to the _self_ he is now, and chooses his words carefully, "-will not continue long after. That's just how it is." Nero is looking at him with angry confusion and V rests their foreheads together, just for the closeness of the act. "I shouldn't have let things progress like this between us, knowing what will come of me, but you..."

"I what?"

"You reminded me of how good living can feel. And I, too, am weak. In more than just flesh." He swallows and then smiles without humor. "I'm the one who should be apologizing to you."

Nero looks at him for a long moment, before that rebellious determination begins to burn bright.

"You think I'm really gonna let happen? That I'm just gonna let you waste away?" he asks, lifting V's arm to once again look at the growing fissures in his skin. V glances at them guiltily, knowing he should correct Nero's assumptions, but being too afraid to do so like the coward he's always truly been deep down. "Don't think I haven't noticed. You haven't really told me what's going on with you. There's something you don't want to say." V throws an irritated glare heavenward, mouth set in an incredulous line.

This child.

"Nero-"

"Shut up a minute, okay?" Nero says. Surprising to them both, V does. "I know I screwed up the first time. But I'm stronger now and I'll keep getting stronger. You might not think I can do anything to help you right now, but I'll prove you wrong. You hear me? I'm gonna show you that I can protect you and you're gonna wish you were more upfront with me from the start."

His lost bravado is rebuilding itself piece by piece right before V's eyes. 

"Impressive..." he hears himself say. Nero gives him a boyish smirk and pulls him closer. V raises an eyebrow. "I'm amazed you can say something like that without even a hint of embarrassment."

"Hey, screw you! You say weird shit all the time!"

"Nothing quite so corny. You'll protect me? I can't tell if that smacks of naivete or arrogance. Or both."

"Yeah, I will! Whether you like it or not, asshole, 'cuz I don't want to let you go, okay? I... I kinda..." Nero begins to stammer, a pink flush spreading across his cheeks. V watches him, eyes wide and his stomach sinking.

_Never seek to tell thy love, love that never told can be._

V quickly puts a finger to Nero's lips before the boy can say something neither of them can take back. Nero blinks up at him.

This is bad. V should put a stop to this, reject him harshly and separate them. Put on his clothes, walk away, and not look back until they've made it to the top of the Qliphoth. Now is the time to come clean and explain just how badly V has fucked up everything between them and why this could never last. Nero will be furious. He might even lash out. And V would deserve it. He should tell Nero to keep his heart and guard it more fiercely, take it back to his precious Kyrie and beg her to heal it of V's treacherous influence. He should. He should do all of this.

He kisses him again instead. 

It's desperate this time, fueled by fear and an avaricious need in equal measure.

"You're a fool," he breathes against Nero's lips, unsure which of them he's really speaking to. Nero brings his left hand up to brush V's hair to the side.

"Tell me something I don't know," he says, letting his palm cup V's cheek, moving his thumb to wipe away a tear V hadn't realized was there.

"A fool," V repeats more firmly, eyes shut tight again. Nero kisses the side of his mouth and then pulls him down to kiss his brow. V's fingers grip his shoulders. He won't fall apart here. He _refuses_...

"Hey, don't worry. When this is all over, we'll find a way to save you. I promise."

-

Pretty words to fill a pretty book, a child's fairytale. V holds them in his mind and gives them proper burnishing.

They amount to nothing in the end, but at least they'll be preserved beautifully, forever his to remember in the dark corner of Vergil's mind that remains V's own.

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked to include the Suicidal Thoughts tag for V's brief moment of it. If there are any other tags you feel might be warrented, please reach out to me at jettiebettie.tumblr.com.


End file.
